The Search for the Black Super Hero

Nicole!  I saw you at the movies watching the new X-Men.  Well I wasn’t watching you watch the movie because that would be weird but I saw you there.  Did you like it?  You watching X-Men has definitely put you even higher on my cool list.

Tom Kitchens –via Myspace

Hey Tom!  Glad to hear I’m climbing that cool list of yours and indeed t’was me at the Wolverine movie, which was awesome.  I actually wanted to see it for one reason and one reason only…

to FINALLY SEE A BLACK SUPERHERO.

I knew that Will I Am, who I can only assume likes green eggs and ham, was going to play a mutant or  X-Men, er… X-Man?, or something… and I had to see if it were true.

I know what people might be thinking:

“Nicole, there are a bunch of black super heroes”, but I beg to differ, and Obama doesn’t count.

I present my case:

WILL SMITH:  Contrary to popular belief, Will Smith is NOT actually a superhero.  In his all his movies he plays himself, and though “Super mouthy” and “Super fly” are cool… he’s not really a hero.

HALLE BERRY aka “STORM” in X-Men:  Sure she looked smoking hot in her little hero suit, and I got used to the white hair, but she is the lamest excuse for a superhero, let alone an X-Men…er Man…er Woman ever.

Exhibit A: Her “power”.  She can make storms…in a few minutes.

“She can make it rain, REALLY hard…if you just hold on a sec”, is not a real threat to an evil villain let alone a plant.

All I’m saying is you shouldn’t be able to defeat a super hero with an umbrella or by laying in a valley.

Exhibit B: She’s not really black, she’s more a Beyonce beige.

Which is why I went to see the new X-Men, only to find out Will I Am’s power… was that he can disappear!?!?

A black guy who takes off?  They do that all the time!  Hence the stereotypes!  That is what black men DO.

Marvel come on, the blue girl can transform into anyone, the white guys have all different powers, and the black guy disappeared…but wait…HE came back.  He came back!

Ladies and gents, I believe we have our first black superhero.

Thanks for writing Tom, and as always,

Keep Laughin’

Nicole xoxo

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Posted in Ask Nicole | 2 Comments » | November 9th, 2009

My Biggest Fear

Hey Nicole;

My name is Kelsey and I think you’re like the funniest person ever!

My  biggest fear in the world is birds (traumatic duck feeding experiences), So my question is what is your biggest fear

Thanks :)

Kelsey U

via ASKNICOLE@Toromagazine.com

Ah yes, those duck birds.  A wiley bunch they are.  Well Kelsey, you were brave enough to share your fear with me, so here comes mine.

The Dark.

Yup.

Everything about it scares me.

Dark basements make me turn into a ten year old who thinks there’s some creepy ghost that only I can see living in the furnace Home Alone styles.

Dark Chocolate scares me because I started hearing that it’s good for me which makes me think there’s a big conspiracy with like Cadbury and the Health Board, because, come on… it’s chocolate!  The point is it’s NOT good for you, and THAT is what makes it a treat.  After telling us it’s bad for decades, what, other than a nice big bribe can make dark chocolate good for me all of a sudden? Hmm?

Dark Tanning Lotion terrifies me because I never want to look like this:

Dark nightclubs, scare me because the “coke demons” with their grinding jaws and delusions of grandeur can be hiding anywhere.  Lurking,  just waiting to pounce and ask me “hey, sniff sniff, do you party?”  and when I answer “only if you mean a la Barbie paper plates and little cone hats with a chin strap that was somehow constructed with thin elastic razorblades”… they look at me like “I” am the one with the problem.

SIDE TRACK TRIVIA:  Nicole when was the last time you REALLY wore a party hat?

ANSWER: Two weeks ago.

And finally I think I found our co-arch nemesis  Kelsey, and that would be Dark Wing Duck.   Disney character.  Related to Donald and his three nephews.  One part Dark, one part Duck, all parts terrifying.

I’m going to go sit on my bed with the lights on and a flashlight incase the power fails now.

Thanks for writing, and as always,

Keep Laughin’

Nicole xoxo

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Posted in Ask Nicole | 1 Comment » | November 4th, 2009